This is a dog...I think it's a bulldog. But the thing we are focusing on today people, is that this dog is wearing a Hawaiian shirt. I might as well come out and say it now. I hate when people dress their dogs. It's freakin' stupid. Dogs have fur, and so they don't need clothing. In fact, many of nature's animals go out in the buff even if they don't have fur...take the naked mole rat...a furless nekked creature designed to sport its stuff under God and all of nature.

Animals don't have the amenities we humans do, but they are awarded at least one luxury THEY HAVE THE RIGHT TO NUDITY. Now, nudists take this a little far...I'm not condoning naked people everywhere, cuz frankly, I've spent a few hours in a Vegas spa and saw more than I ever care to of my hotel-mates, but a dog deserves to sport his God-given fur.

A warning - dressing doggies is a gateway act (like marijuana is a gateway drug). People who dress their dogs are prone to other things like: scrapbooking (the devil's photo album trickery!!), going to purse and jewelry parties, having guys/girls' nights out, watching the appropriate TV channel for their gender (Spike or Lifetime), collecting figurines (most likely that depict the garment-wearing pet), finding cartoons like "Cathy" enjoyable.

I'm sorry if you dress your dog and I've insulted you...but come on, you think a Hawaiian shirt doesn't insult your dog??

So many things are called poo and pee in Hawaii, but what do they call a cold, grey pasty bowl of goop? POI. And it's true, it's nasty. Now, I admit, we Yukon types probably eat some weird shit like plain Pringles and regular Coke, but poi is probably the most widely known disgusting food.

Also, since every one of my relatives from home have asked about the poi, here is my obligatory picture...I artfully call it "Guy Making Poi"

We finally got a break from wakeboarding and took a chopper to Lanai...it is gorgeous. There's Jake doing some snorkling...the water there is so freakin' clear, if it didn't make waves, you'd never see it.  Hawaiians are also known for their names that include way too many repetitious vowels...that's because there were only 13 letters in the original alphabet there...so unfortunately, with such limited use of letters, the words "poo" and "pee" make it into their vocabulary quite often....Below is Puu Pehe rock (we call it Sweetheart Rock).

Haha, I just got ahold of Jack's log of our trip and she's not gonna be home for hours. I think my theory that she's been drinking at the helm is now proven. I found some particularly strange entries. 

Anyway, here is one verbatum:

"Captain's log: April 31st, 2006: I just found out April only has 30 days, so that's a bummer because now I have to re-date all these other pages to come. I knew I should have done this on the computer.

Devon has just informed me that Chau dissasembled the toaster and is using it for parts to add to his new mega-battlebot. TJ dissassembled the telephone last night for the same purpose. The telephone had no purpose anyway...who needs a land line on a ship. This ship is beginning to feel like that episode of Stargate SG1 when those little computery things called "Replicators" started eating motherships alive and using them for spare parts. Chau and TJ are replicators.

In other news, it's 80 something degrees and we're on coarse...wait, course. The sun is rising to the west, so I think I'm either upside down or this compass sucks and I'm damn glad I have a GPS.  We're at sea all day today. 

Crap. I really wanted toast. I may order Devon to shoot Chau later on.

Seacrest OUT"

---I always wondered what captains wrote in those logs---